Dude Looks like a Dude

There’s a certain class of lady whose elegance and grace elevate her effortlessly above the fawning masses. She carries herself with a poised confidence that would be threatening to men, had her coquettish charms not already entranced them. She is a socialite and mother, as beautiful as she is intelligent.

This, however, is not a post about such a lady. This is a post about Grimy Lady Man: the most ridiculous transvestite I’ve ever seen.

This past Wednesday, we were on the bus, heading home after a great couple hours at the beach. I was exhausted from the sun and about to pass out when a lady walked by, brushing her hairy beer belly across my arm. Unfazed, I started to drift back into unconsciousness, until … “Wait. Lady? Hairy Belly?”

At the far end of the bus, the world’s worst transvestite was holding onto an overhead bar, manly biceps flexing with each turn. Her lady’s ensemble consisted of a filthy wig slapped crookedly onto her head, a tight fitting shirt which defiantly revealed an abundance of chest, belly & underarm hair, and a dirty white skirt which did very little to conceal her lady’s package. Not, presumably, a tiny bottle of mace. Nor, for that matter, something I care to dwell on any more, ever again. [Foul lady bulge: stricken from memory]

Oh, Grimy Lady Man, what are you doing?! I felt a huge amount of empathy for him. Here was a guy, about 60 years of age, truly trying to live as a woman, but proving incredibly poor at creating the necessary illusion. He wasn’t wearing any makeup or carrying a purse. Dude hadn’t even bothered shaving for at least 3 days. On the other hand, his toenails had been freshly painted, bright red. Oh, Grimy Lady Man, what are you thinking?!

I have a feeling this guy is a Valencian institution, because we’ve seen him before, in the exact same get-up. I don’t want to poke too much fun, because obviously, a person’s orientation or sexual identity are not things to be casually mocked. But … I mean … I don’t know. Can you laugh at someone and not be an asshole for having done so? I feel for Grimy Lady Man, I really do, but it’s not my fault he’s hilarious!