While we were in a bar, toasting the beginning of Spring, a group of Dutch tourists sat down at a neighboring table, providing us front row seats for our favorite reality program, The Clash of the Cultures 2010. Round One – The Netherlands versus Spain. Let’s get it on!!!!!
It’s a beautiful, sunny day here in Valencia, perfect weather for a Culture Clash. And it looks like the action’s about to get going, so let’s send it over to Johnny.
Thanks, Jimmy. The visitors have opened proceedings with a classic piece of Dutch group-think: all six of them have ordered a glass of white wine.
I like it, Johnny! What a perfectly refreshing beverage for this sunny weather!
That’s just it, Jimmy. The Dutch are well-known for the beverage-choosing prowess. Hot chocolate in the winter, cold milk with Appeltaart, you name it. Alles op zijn juiste plaats.
Here comes the Spanish counter-attack, Johnny. The waitress is pouring their wine… but, what’s this?!
Unbelievable, Jimmy! She emptied the bottle into the 6th Dutchman’s glass, but he has slightly less wine than his companions. His glass looks to be a couple millimeters less full than everyone else’s.
Oh, he’s not going to like that, is he, Johnny?
No, he won’t, Jimmy. Not at all. He is Dutch, and this will strike right at his sense of fair play. Yes, here we go: he’s noticed. He’s visibly flustered. Now watch this, this ought to be amazing. See how he’s brought his glass side-by-side with his friend’s? He’s lining them up, providing everyone with a perfect view of how much he was stiffed.
I see that, Johnny. Pure Dutch stinginess in action. A thing of beauty.
Now he’s called the waitress over, Jimmy. The action has really heated up! He can’t speak any Spanish and is spitting out some kind of frustrated, mangled English at her. I’m not sure she understands… she keeps switching her gaze from his glass to his pasty face.
But he’s not going to give up until he gets his extra two millimeters of wine, is he, Johnny?
I doubt that very much, Jimmy. In addition to their formidable beverage-choosing, the Dutch are known for their embarrassing persistence. Ah, he’s made her understand. She’s walking back over to the bar, shaking her head in disbelief.
The tension, Johnny! It’s almost unbearable!
She’s returned now to the table with a brand new bottle of wine, Jimmy. She’s opening it. This is incredible. She’s pouring three, four … possibly five drops of wine into his cup, bringing it up to the appropriate level.
Wow, Johnny. Wow. Are you saying that this Dutchman ordered the Spanish waitress to open a new bottle of wine, so that he could have precisely the same amount as his companions?
That’s exactly what I’m saying, Jimmy. The waitress has returned to the bar in defeat, the Dutchman has a childish look of glee on his face, and I think we can call this one. A resounding victory for The Netherlands!
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