La Batalla de Flores from Valencia Blog on Vimeo.

Marking the end of Valencia’s Feria de Julio is the famous flower battle (la batalla de flores), established in 1892. Basically, falleras ride on parade floats, equip themselves with tennis rackets, and allow onlookers to pelt them with heavy little flowers. It’s great fun, and if you’d become sick of seeing the Fallera Mayor’s pretty, blond face everywhere… well, this was your chance to smack it with a flower. (Though, it must be said, while most her court was quickly overwhelmed by the onslaught, the Fallera Mayor never lost her composure, swatting away every flower with ice cold precision … perhaps it was this skill that won her the coveted position in the first place)

The battle was proceeded by a small parade on La Alameda, which went up and down the street 4 times before the warfare began. The girls on the floats all looked a little nervous regarding the warfare to come, and the public was impatient.

After the battle had finished, spectators ran into the street to gather up armfuls of flowers to throw at each other. Some of the more eager didn’t notice (or care) that they were picking up horse manure with the flowers.

The night ended with fireworks over the Turia.

Carmen, Valencia’s most trendy and artsy district, is well known for its graffiti. But you can find exhibitions of this art form throughout the city. For example, here’s some graffiti from the district of Xerea (home of the Sant Bult Procession).

I especially like Calle de Engorgo with it’s bizarre, dilapidated buildings (don’t mind the smell) :

As Juergen and I were walking down Calle La Paz, a group of American college students approached, all clad in baseball caps and polos straight out of Abercrombie. I have no idea what they were talking about in their loud, confident voices, but the shortest one was making an important point to his buds. “Dude, we’re American! We can do anything, if we put our minds to it!”

Disclaimer: I do like Americans… I am one, and I think we get an unfair rap in most of Europe. In my eyes, Americans are among the world’s most friendly & open people. That said, there is nothing more cringe-inducing than a rowdy posse of “Americans Abroad”. Why, compatriots of mine, why must you be so very loud?

J-List is a peaceful island of Japanese pop culture for you

There’s a certain class of lady whose elegance and grace elevate her effortlessly above the fawning masses. She carries herself with a poised confidence that would be threatening to men, had her coquettish charms not already entranced them. She is a socialite and mother, as beautiful as she is intelligent.

This, however, is not a post about such a lady. This is a post about Grimy Lady Man: the most ridiculous transvestite I’ve ever seen.

This past Wednesday, we were on the bus, heading home after a great couple hours at the beach. I was exhausted from the sun and about to pass out when a lady walked by, brushing her hairy beer belly across my arm. Unfazed, I started to drift back into unconsciousness, until … “Wait. Lady? Hairy Belly?”

At the far end of the bus, the world’s worst transvestite was holding onto an overhead bar, manly biceps flexing with each turn. Her lady’s ensemble consisted of a filthy wig slapped crookedly onto her head, a tight fitting shirt which defiantly revealed an abundance of chest, belly & underarm hair, and a dirty white skirt which did very little to conceal her lady’s package. Not, presumably, a tiny bottle of mace. Nor, for that matter, something I care to dwell on any more, ever again. [Foul lady bulge: stricken from memory]

Oh, Grimy Lady Man, what are you doing?! I felt a huge amount of empathy for him. Here was a guy, about 60 years of age, truly trying to live as a woman, but proving incredibly poor at creating the necessary illusion. He wasn’t wearing any makeup or carrying a purse. Dude hadn’t even bothered shaving for at least 3 days. On the other hand, his toenails had been freshly painted, bright red. Oh, Grimy Lady Man, what are you thinking?!

I have a feeling this guy is a Valencian institution, because we’ve seen him before, in the exact same get-up. I don’t want to poke too much fun, because obviously, a person’s orientation or sexual identity are not things to be casually mocked. But … I mean … I don’t know. Can you laugh at someone and not be an asshole for having done so? I feel for Grimy Lady Man, I really do, but it’s not my fault he’s hilarious!

Last Thursday at Valencia’s BioParc, a Kudu antelope was found dead with its neck broken. The suspected culprit? An indie concert in the neighboring Canaleta park.

We’ll miss ya, big guy

These antelopes are extremely jumpy, nervous animals, probably due to an instinctive fear of falling prey to lions on the Savannah.

Apparently, the music scared the Kudu so much that it fell in its attempt to escape and broke its own neck. No word on which band’s music sent the antelope to its untimely demise, but I’ve got a suspect…

And then they ate its flesh!

Hey there, Hippie! Where are you headed to, on your wacky Hippiebike?

Of course, the Hippie festival! That makes sense.

This past weekend, scarves, dreadlocks, nose rings, body odor, and the people who love such things convened in the Turia riverbed for Valencia’s 21st Alternative Festival. We ventured down, and were happy to discover a really fun collection of stands, products and entertainment.

Organic chocolates, beers, breads… Valencian tomatoes… clothing, bags, jewelry… anything your inner alternative child could possibly want. We met a German bread-maker who had traveled to Valencia to sell her baked goods, and sampled some of the organic beer on hand.

It was a lot of fun — more for the people-watching than anything else. A note, though, to the dreadlocked white dude wearing a Jamaican stocking cap and practicing capoeira from Brazil — keep your cultures straight! Does simply embracing the stereotypical symbols of well-known countries make a person “alternative”? Would a Spanish woman dressed in a sari, doing a Polka dance be as cool & hip as the capoeira Jamaica dude?

And a note to the girl who yelled at us for taking a picture of her stand… Fine! No mention on HolaValencia.net for your stupid clothes. Who’s crying now?!

Link to the Festival’s Official Page

Location on our Valencia Map

On Wednesday we had to run an administrative errand. The office was right across the Micalet and while waiting we got a nice view of people queuing up to take advantage of the chance to kiss the Virgin. This also symbolises the end of Festival of Virgin de los Desamparados.

Here are the recently captured highlights of that Festival:

• Dancing for the Virgin de los Desamparados
• The Traslado aka child tossing
• Official Procession de Desamparados: Canceled
• Official Procession de Desamparados: Not Canceled

And now huge lines of people to kiss the virgin good-bye.

I kind of was tempted to get in line myself just to see what’s going on in the church and to snap some extra pictures. Maybe next year. So these images will have to suffice and as a bonus I’ll throw in some extra ones from that day.

After the Traslado, the weather turned so bad that they had to postpone the official Procession (I was wrong to announce that they had canceled it). Enjoy the video and images of the Virgen de Desamparados getting carried around the long way home. And yes, more rose petals!

March of the Virgin - Valencia from Valencia Blog on Vimeo.

Again, Valencia’s Mayor Rita Barberá. I hope she doesn’t think I am stalking her.

The next festival starts in 2 days. So get ready for Corpus Christi

By Sunday, we were starting to grow tired of Valencia’s endless supply of religious processions, and decided to do something a little different as an antidote: the Manga and Cosplay festival being held at Heineken Greenspace.

Insanity Level: roughly the same.

It was cool to see all the alternative kids who showed up, given a place to truly let their freak flags fly. The only ones who looked like they weren’t having fun were the parents who had tagged along, trying show an interest in their child’s new hobby. They looked scared.

But seriously, props to the kids who sang flawless Japanese karaoke. ¡Impresionante!

J-List is a peaceful island of Japanese pop culture for you

Francisco Camps & Rita Barberá, Valencia’s Mayor

What are some good ways to demonstrate your Catholic faith?

Seriously. Child tossing.

This past Sunday at 10:30am, during a procession known as el Traslado, the statue of the Virgin of the Desamparados (Our Lady of the Abandoned) was moved from its Basilica (location) to the Cathedral (location). It’s a distance of only about 200 meters, and was one of the most insane religious gatherings I’ve ever seen.

The word “insane” might be a bit strong. But hysterically crying as a gigantic wooden virgin statue is carried by? Crowd-surfing in the hopes of touching a piece of virgin-cloth? I don’t know.

But those people who literally threw their little girl over the crowd and against the statue: they’re nuts. I don’t feel like compromising about that.

I did this at a Nine Inch Nails concert… I guess it’s similar

And because of the maniacal spectators, it was an incredible experience. From the balconies, thousands of rose petals rained down onto the streets. The surly men transporting the Virgin buckled at times, stressed by both the statue’s weight and by the desperate throngs of people trying to get a touch, but they never dropped her.

True, the main emotion I felt was cynical incredulity, but it would be a lie to say I wasn’t a little touched. The traslado was insane, and insanely beautiful…